What I want for Christmas

I want a cookie monster of my own. Wouldnt it be cool? I know what to feed him, cookies. But I would get bored of im eventually and kill him with some poisonous cookies. Then I would open up my life size smeagol doll. I could give it makeovers and style its hair. THen I could go see movies and go to dinner with it, but not date it. That would be weird. After I drowned that gift. I would open my Sheardon Quit machine. It automatically makes any sheardon in a 1 mile radius quit. No more quitters in meh nayborhood. Speaking of which my own midget leprechaun would be cool.. Me and him could go to the hood and kill some nagas. Then we could go back to dah hood and kill more nagas. That would be fun. Speaking of nagas, it takes one nine months to take a crap. Get it? Me Neither. A cool new power ranger outfit would be awesome. I could go fight a couple of ninja turtles in it. I would then call meh zord and kill all the dumb nagas and sheardons that got in my way. The whole time i would be saying "kek" over and over. My own C-monsta would be cool. I could swim with Nessie til she bit me then i "air drowned" her. I would also like to get meh some of the new and improved diglet, naglits. It would do everything for me. It would be like a diglet and a niglet. That would be cool. Well I ont know what else i would want.

Exiled

I dn't have much time to right. I am beeing hunted as we, well I, speak. I am being exiled from the U. S. Most likely because of my vast knowledge of government conspiracies, especially Project SHEARDON. I am most likely going to head to Old Gregg's Place. I know it's dangerous, and I am still sore from what happened last time, but any where else will be full of gov. officials. Perhaps my throwing of shoes at pres. bush had something to do with meh exile. Well i've got to get OMW. If Greggory makes his usual advances I'll just give him Sheardon. IF any of you tell a government agency worker where old greggs pad is, i will come to your house and I will cut you. Do you hear me I will cu.... Oh no, there here. Sheardon Quit!!!!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOo

Happy Holidays vs. Merry Christmas

If any of jew watch TV then you should have seen at least one commercial saying Happy Holidays. This has been going on for a couple of years now. The commercials used to say Merry Christmas. However, the Government, as always, can't take the chance of offending any cry baby jews, muslims, etc. Now I am not saying that there is anything wrong with all jews or muslims, but any who complains about being told Merry Christmas should have die. I mean if someone told happy Happy Honukah (most likely spelled wrong, sorry jews), or Good Ramadan (again spelling) I honestly would not care. I would just say Merry Christmas back to them. I think the red necks might be involved too. There racist customs always seem to offend someone. I bet someone told a red neck Happy Honukah and they said," You stupid jew, Jesus will thank me for killing jewr butt. Then a large lawsuit would occur resulting in the redneck pleading ignorance because he is a dumb Sheardon. I honeslty ont know why anyone would be offended by a jew or redneck or muslim holiday. And if it really offends you so much, just wait until they die where they will burn in whatever hell you believe in. Sheardon Out.

The Leprechaun Sketch

My returning readers will most likely remember my story about getting the leprechaun sketch with my good friend Old Gregg. Well the time has come for me to tell you about that story. It was a day like any other. Smeagol was being dumb, Old Gregg was raping someone, and I was eating at Outback Steakhouse with Jessica Alba. We were talking about how dumb Sheardon once when a leprechaun came and killed Sheardon. Then we all knew that we had to go get the leprechaun tha killed SHeardon. Sheardon cam back to life so I got my Irish Friend Conner to come and throw a bigfoot at Sheardon causing it to punch his head through the roof. I grabbed my sword-chucks, Old Gregg got his Funk Gun, Smeagol got his precious, and Conner got a four-leaf clover. I asked Conner what the heck a 4 leaf clover would do. He just said that we would see. We went to the Leprechaun's lair and I saw that he had brought Sheardon back to life. I knew we had to kill this stupid midget of go-kart ridin, car flippen, pogo jumpin leprechaun. The leprechaun had been to the hood twice recently and had recruited some niggjas to help him out. I killed the p-daddy of the group with my r dill cannon. HE got cut in half by a gayzor lazer. Smeagol went and killed SHeardon while he was ring stealthed. Old Gregg went and threw the funk at the leprechaun which made him grow to the size of a yeti. A small yeti, you know the kind that you think is cool and cute, but then he comes and bites your sheardon. OUch taht was the worst day ever. Anyways, Conner killed the rest of the niggjas and I went to go fight da lep re con. He was too powerful for me and I was defeated. THen an idea came to me. I laid down a piece of paper and put a quarter on top of it. Conner came over saw the quarter and went to pick it up but fell, right on top of the leprechaun. He was smawshed to the paper and became the leprechaun sketch we all love today. Ahhh, just right.

Poon Dog

So I was at Sheardon's house last night and he wanted to buy a pet smeagol. Now as jew should know, a pet smeagol is nothing compared to a pet jawa. I have had a jawa before. His name was Deagle. He was very cool and he was also about as black as jew can get. He had glowing yellow eyes that shone in the moonlit sky. I liked to call him my poon dawg because he was always my wingman down at the clubs. He always knows when to make a Sheardon and to make a quick Reardon. A pet smeagol on the other hand will screw jew to try and get a "precious" of his own. And all the possible poonees will be scared of him. He is also grey and therefore peeps might think that I'm racist and not hip. I like black cookies remember. I also like the black bread that you get at Outback Steakhouse, that place poons to the max. Anyways, back to reality, after Sheardon said that I pushed him down the stairs and then shoved him in the trash compactor and started it. He was screaming at first but then I told him to shut up and he did. Speaking of which I should probably go and let him out. Oh noes, he equals dead. Too bad. ROFL LOL BRB BIO I ONT NO

old gregg's place

If I had to go any where it would not be to old gregg's place becuase he would most likely rape/molest me. I would go to Japan where I would be consider a gigantor. THAT is because they are all small, in more than one respect. In more than one place. I aM A very cool americA man and i would kill mYSelf TO not be ASian. they MAY have SHEardonS ANd beeRDons over there BUt i wouLD ratHER BE SmeAgol THAN SHEaRdON.

Spanksgiving

I went to my grandmother's house for Thanksgiving as I always do and ate lots of good food there. Afterwards I went home and played Gears of War 2 with my brother. We beat the campaign and it was fun. I then ate a dinner at my house with my immediate family. It was good and I enjoyed it.